Fringe families
In churches, we often have the privilege to be in contact with families in our communities who attend services maybe once a year or who attend the toddler group we run or who bring their children for infant baptism or dedication services.
Fringe families are meeting us and our church community throughout the year and whilst they may not regularly attend church, that doesn’t mean they are not interested in faith.
Lots of people have what theologian Dr Sarah Brush has called ‘an acorn of faith’ – this acorn of faith can often be what draws families through our church doors. There’s something in them that is attracted to God, something that recognises that God is good and often for parents and carers that is what brings them to infant baptism or coming to a church toddler group or dropping their teenagers off at an after-school church club.
This presents us with a wonderful opportunity to help those small seeds of faith to grow. As Rachel Turner says:
“If I believe that God’s biblical plan us for children and teens to be embedded in a family, who are knitted into extended family and friends, who are in turn surrounded by a loving church community, then I do not have the luxury of dismissing parents if they aren’t Christians.”
In this video, Jess explores some simple ideas to help all families grow in faith – whether they are a regular part of our church community or come regularly and wherever they are on their faith journey.
Helping all families connect with God in a service or event
When we run gathered events at church (Christmas services, light parties or all-age services) we can often default to aiming our content at children – but it’s hugely powerful to help a whole family learn and grow together. It can often feel like we need to give them a great event when they come so that want to visit again, but there is more possible for these moments.
Our aim at these events is to take a whole family unit and move them forward in faith together by enabling opportunities for them to meet God and then equipping them for outside church through a side-by-side experience
Three steps to help you to do this are to:
- Give them a clear glimpse of God in active life. Decide what you want people to understand about God. That might be that he can help us when we are stuck, or they find strength knowing God loves them, or that Jesus brings hope into hopeless situations. Then give them a glimpse of that in somebody’s life that illustrates that point. Try to find quite ordinary stories that everyone can relate to, for example how he comforted someone in grief, when God sorted a problem at work, how just knowing he is there helped you get through a divorce.
- Invite people into encounter. As part of your service, teach people a way that they can connect with God and find hope or comfort or joy or whatever it is you want them to experience. You could say something like ‘We’re going to take the next twenty seconds and say God is here and you can tell him anything you want in your head wherever you are’. Make sure it is something they can replicate on their own at home.
- Give them a next step so they can do it at home. You can say ‘this exact thing that we just tried, you can do at home with nobody else around too. Next time you’re feeling alone, why not give it a go?’
Christmas is a great opportunity to use side-by-side experiences to help whole families, including those who might know little of God, to experience him together, and then be able to take that home with them. To help you this year, we have created five examples covering familiar Christmas themes which you can download.
When our primary connection is with a child or teen
It is likely that if we run youth events or after school clubs, we rarely see the parents and carers. But there are still things we can do to open up ideas and conversations about faith with them. Here are some steps to consider:
Communication. Be as open as possible about what is happening in your groups, consistently invite parents in to stay and participate and be as clear and open as you can be about what you are teaching, particularly around faith, and how you are doing it. Make sure that parents know you are for them, not trying to teach their child something that they are not sure about. Share positive things about their teen and encourage them as parents/carers.
Invest in relationships with parents and carers. Be intentional about your care for parents and carers. People can spot disingenuity and we want to be genuinely for them as they are right now, not what we could turn them into if they attended church. Consider ways you could get to know them better: termly catch ups, invitations to special events, being available at drop-off time.
All parents and carers are a part of God’s plan for teens and children so when we invest in all families, wherever they are on their faith journey, we will begin to see those ‘acorns of faith’ begin to grow and take root.
You might also be interested in:
Working with fringe families: Facebook live
Refresh – a different sort of toddler group
Parenting for Faith in a toddler group