Surfing the Waves in the bible
Parents and carers all know what it’s like to feel as though you’re finally getting to grips with one stage or season of parenting, only for your child to change and everything to feel different again.
As our children and teens change and grow, they are discovering all sorts of things about their relationship with God – how they like to connect with him, what gifts he’s given them, what he’s inspiring them to do. Parenting for Faith’s fifth Key Tool of Surfing the Waves helps parents and carers spot what God is doing in their child or teenager’s life so they can journey alongside them, offering support and encouragement for as long as the wave lasts. It’s not a new idea – there are a lot of examples of surfing the waves in the bible.
Faith isn’t a straightforward journey
It can be disheartening to discover that your sold-out-for-Jesus 10 year old is now more interested in Minecraft than church, or to listen to a teen asking big questions about science and faith. Very often the ups and downs are part of the important process of a child or teen working out what faith is like and why it’s important. But they can also be the result of ordinary life too. A child learning to speak will bring new ways to connect with God. Change might mean a child has to wrestle with the idea of God having a good plan for the first time. A teen might be on a spiritual high after summer camp. Puberty will bring God’s ideas about sexuality into focus. We can surf the waves of these with our kids, journeying alongside them and helping them see who God is – in the downs as well as the ups.
The bible is full of examples of people’s up and down faith journeys:
- Peter’s story in the bible is one of dramatic ups and downs, as he figures out faith and ends his life as a courageous and powerful leader in the church. See, for example, Matthew 4:18–20, Matthew 14:28–31, Matthew 16:13–23, Luke 22:31–34, 54–62, John 21:15–19, Acts 2:14–41, Acts 10:9-48, Galatians 2:11-14, 1 and 2 Peter
- Hannah experiences prolonged sorrow because of yet-to-be answered prayer, other people’s unkindness, great joy at the birth of Samuel and the resurgence of her faith, then the loss of her son as she gives him back to God (1 Samuel 1)
- Elijah’s career as a prophet has great highs and lows as illustrated by 1 Kings 17-19: powerful miracles, triumph over Baal, depression and exhaustion, angelic intervention and a new revelation of God.
God gives each of us gifts and talents
The bible is very clear – the Holy Spirit equips each one of us uniquely and we all have a part to play in God’s church and the world. Sometimes these gifts and passions are clearly ‘spiritual’ – a love of the bible or worship, or a passion for justice – while others might seem more ordinary. Childhood and adolescence are a time when kids are discovering what are they good at and what matters to them. As they try out different things, dropping some and retaining others, parents and carers can support the waves they spot.
We see in the bible how God uses all sorts of gifts and passions:
- The Body of Christ – Paul’s famous description of the church (1 Corinthians 12:12-27)
- Bezalel and Dorcas – both Bezalel (Exodus 31:1-11) and Dorcas (Acts 9:36-42) are gifted craftspeople God uses
- Lydia – her gift of hospitality is important for the early church (Acts 16:11-15, 40)
- Josiah – his passion for scripture is used to instigate reform in Israel (2 Kings 22-23)
- Paul – his intelligence and education are powerful tools in the spread of the gospel (for example Acts 22:3, Acts 17:16-34, Acts 18:4)
- Joanna, wife of Chuza – her generosity in giving to Jesus and the disciples enabled them to continue their ministry (Luke 8:1-3)
- Joseph – his gift of receiving and interpreting dreams enabled many both to hear God’s voice and to survive (Genesis 37, 40, 41 and 42)
- Aaron – his gift for speaking clearly helps release the Israelites from Egypt (Exodus 4:10-16)
Surfing the waves you spot
Some waves are short, others longer. Our job as parents and carers is to surf the waves we can with our kids, joining in as best we can with what God is doing in them. Here are a few examples from the bible of people surfing waves with others:
- Eli and Samuel (1 Samuel 3) – Eli eventually spots that God is speaking to Samuel, comes alongside him and coaches him in what to say.
- Manoah, his wife and Samson (Judges 13) – Samson’s parents were aware that their child had a particular calling from God, but being unsure how to surf this wave well, asked God to teach them how to bring him up.
- Priscilla and Aquila and Apollos (Acts 18:27-28) – the couple spot Apollos’s gifts and enthusiasm and surf that wave with him, enabling him to learn more so he can become an effective missionary.
Proactively discipling using the six-stage circle
Using the six-stage circle, parents and carers can proactively coach their children and teens as they surf the wave with their kids: creating windows, framing, equipping, creating opportunities, putting boundaries in place and giving feedback.
We see a similar process in the bible:
- Jesus sending out the twelve disciples – surfing the waves of ministry
- Model – the disciples have seen Jesus heal, teach and demonstrate compassion
- Frame – Jesus explains the Kingdom, the mission and what they are being sent to do (Luke 9:1-2)
- Equip – Jesus gives them authority (Luke 9:1)
- Create opportunities – Jesus send them out to preach and heal (Luke 9:2 and 6)
- Establish boundaries – Jesus tells them what to take, where to stay and how to respond to rejection (Luke 9:3-5)
- Feedback – the disciples return and report and Jesus takes them aside (we have no record of his actual feedback to the disciples) (Luke 9:10-11)
- Paul and Timothy – surfing the waves of leadership
- Model – Timothy has observed Paul’s teaching, conduct, faith, patience and love (2 Timothy 3:10–11)
- Frame – Both Paul’s letters to Timothy are concerned with framing what godly leadership looks like: for example 1 Timothy 4:11-16
- Equip – Paul gives instructions to equip Timothy for leadership – for example 1 Timothy 3 on selecting church leadership, 1 Timothy 4:6-11, on contentious practices and 1 Timothy 5, advice about widows, elders and slaves
- Create opportunities – Paul sends Timothy to the Thessalonians and the Corinthians to minister there (1 Thessalonians 3:1–5; 1 Corinthians 4:17)
- Establish boundaries – Paul gives clear expectations about Timothy’s speech, conduct, purity and teaching (1 Timothy 4:12–16)
- Feedback – Paul tells Timothy what he has seen in him: for example 2 Timothy 1:3-6 and 2 Timothy 3:14-15.
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