New to church?

Some ideas for supporting your child or teenager if you're new to faith or just exploring yourself.

Very often as parents and carers we find ourselves in places because our children want to be there.

Maybe you’ve found yourself in church because your children have decided they want to be a part of that community. They may have decided to become a Christian or be actively exploring that.

If that’s you, and you’re new to church, you aren’t alone. We understand you may feel a bit unsure about some of it or have lots of questions and we’d love to help guide you through it.

Churches can be weird places. They have their own language and traditions. They may sing songs you don’t know or have rituals that seem strange like communion or standing for the gospel. So if you’re new, it can be hard to know what’s going on. You may also be trying to help your child settle and make sense of things, which can feel a lot when you’re still figuring it out yourself.

The good news is that you don’t have to believe or even understand everything to be part of church. We’re all on a journey of discovering who God is and that takes time. You might feel that you don’t know enough to help your child. But just like you help them make sense of the rest of their lives, even though you don’t know everything, you can help them understand this new stuff they’re discovering about faith and church.

At Parenting for Faith we have ‘five key tools’ for parents and carers to use to help their kids make sense of and get to know God. And really, they are just the parenting tools you use all the time, applied to faith. Even if you’re new to this yourself, you can use these tools to help your child understand and engage with church.

Creating Windows: this is simply allowing your child a glimpse of how you engage with God or church. Children learn from watching and listening to their parents and carers: whether that’s how to read the bus timetable or overhearing you console a friend who’s not feeling well, your child naturally picks up skills and knowledge from just being around you. So let them see you checking out the church website or reading the service sheet or share how friendly you found people at church when chatting to them about it afterwards. These little things will all help them understand church and how to engage with it.

Framing: as parents or carers we are constantly explaining! So in church you can explain or frame what’s going on. As the service is going on you can share what you know: ‘The Bible is God’s holy book, and Christians learn about God from it’, or ‘The cross on the wall  – that reminds people that Jesus died on a cross’. Children will also ask lots of questions – and with the help of the ‘questions tool’ you can start to answer those, even if you don’t know all the answers. Don’t be afraid to ask the people around you what’s going on or what something means – they will be glad to share what they know.

Unwinding: understanding God, faith and Christianity isn’t always straightforward. You might notice your child has ideas that seem not quite right  – like God is an old man in the sky, or that church is only for good people. If you do spot something a bit off, you can gently question it by offering what you do know. For example: Oh that’s interesting you think that about God as being in the sky – people at church talk about God being in their hearts … maybe we could ask someone what they think?

Chat and catch: prayer is so important to Christians. Your child or teenager is probably already praying. Maybe you’ve tried it even if you weren’t sure if God was there. You can encourage them that they can talk to God about anything, anytime and anywhere – they don’t just have to tell him about the big things or pray in a special way. And you can explain that God speaks back – not just in a big voice, but maybe in a feeling, a word in their head, something they see or hear. Help them realise prayer is a two-way conversation with God and if you pray, share what it’s like and what you do with your child so they get ideas for what they could do too. Or ask people at church about how and when they pray.

Surfing the waves: just like the waves of the sea, children’s interests and lives change as they grow and change. Some things last for a long time, other things are dropped quickly. But you are there for all of it, supporting them as they try a new club, or change friendship groups or stay out to play for the first time. In just the same way, you can support them on this new passion of faith, even if you’re not sure what you believe.