Dealing with people who don’t like what you’re doing: Facebook live

16 October 2020

We've all been in these situations. How can we learn to respond to them with confidence and grace?

Here is the video from the live webinar. We also have some notes to help you follow along below.

For many of us when we are criticised, our instinct is to hide or fight as if the other person is the opposition. If we can make a heart change and realise that when people don’t like what you do it can be for many reasons. It often comes out as anger or opposition but that’s rarely the root.  Our first job is to look for the reasons behind the opposition to see if that can help us.

Possible reasons could be:

  • Misunderstanding
  • Disliking change
  • Me being bad at it
  • Their child or family falling through the cracks
  • Their spiritual or physical needs not being met
  • Theological or philosophical disagreements
  • Lack of thorough communication – perhaps we have communicated the what but not the why, for example.

Then we need to ask, how we can proactively deal with this. Rachel suggests:

  1. Look ahead – pre-empt issues by asking yourself questions during planning e.g. Have I communicated the whys, as well as the what? Am I aware of weakness in my leadership? Am I considering everyone’s needs, not just the kids.
  2. Seek it out – find out where they’re disconnecting before it explodes. Check in earlier rather than later if you see people avoid or disengage. Get used to spotting flags to follow up.
  3. Ask good questions and listen well until you understand. Try to avoid ‘What isn’t working for you?’. That can feel pressured and problem-focused. Ask things like ‘What’s life looking like for you at the moment?’
  4. Make a plan. Work out what your next steps are to address it.
  5. Care for yourself. Protect your mental health and avoid going into negative spirals.

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